Gather Your Party

Note: I want to let everyone know that I did not receive any money from the developers of this game whatsoever. These are all my real, honest opinions.

Revelations 2012 is probably the greatest game ever made.

The first thing you’ll notice about the menu screen is that it looks exactly like the one Left 4 Dead has. You’ll also notice that the game is a four player co-op game that features linear levels and mobs of enemies attacking you, just like Left 4 Dead. Most enemies just have basic melee attacks and are easy to kill, but a few of the more uncommon enemies, let’s call them “specials” have unique movesets. Is this an L4D clone? Of course not, L4D is terrible by comparison. Let’s just say it’s an homage.

How innovative!

The map took literally 45 seconds to load. This is great. Lesser games only take a few seconds to load, and the result is underwhelming. Revelations 2012 not only lets you savour the loading screen, but allows you to properly get hyped for the great game that is sure to come.

Each weapon has unlimited ammo, is color coded, and you get all of them at the start. This is perfect for when you and three friends want to pretend to be the Power Rangers, except one is missing, the world is coming to an end, and you’re just killing a bunch of natives instead of alien robots. I like to think that the fifth ranger was killed somehow and everyone else is grieving their death. That would make a great episode.

Luckily, I had bought my laptop at bestbuy, so it could handle these intensive graphics.

The control is great. You can point and aim at literally everything in the game. And, if you are so inclined, you can shoot the thing you just pointed at. That said, focus on shooting the bad guys, not inanimate objects such as trees, huts, crates and….. well that’s really everything I saw so far. Otherwise, the shooting is exactly what you’d expect from a Source game, like L4D. Except, not like L4D since it’s a completely original game.

Every time you pick up a health item, the character you play as gives an “Oh Yeah!” or “That’s the Stuff!”  This allows the player to know that they’re playing the game properly. It’s an auditive indicator that is in fact good to heal yourself. I might have let myself die in the game if I didn’t know that doing so would make my character unhappy. But thanks to his constant exclamations of “Oh Yeah!”, which can easily happen a good 30 times in 2 minutes, I never forgot how important it is to pick up health packs. Thanks for adding that, developers. You truly helped me.

On the subject of voice acting, the game’s voices are absolutely terrible. They’re lifeless and bland. This simply shows that the developers didn’t waste all their money on voice acting and instead focused on gameplay, unlike Oblivion with its thousands of uniquely voiced characters.

I’ve played the game for hours on end, yet never once have I found anyone else playing the multiplayer. This is simply because of jealousy; no one wants to share this great game with other people, and want to keep all the fun to themselves. Although no one is playing multiplayer, I bet a few million people are playing singleplayer. I’d expect nothing less from the greatest game ever made. And to think, it only cost 5 dollars, marked down from 20. The developers must be really nice to sell it for such a low price when they could easily charge 100 dollars. That seems like a fair price point to me.

This is some kind of glitch. I played it way longer than that.

How does the game end, you might ask? Well, I’ve never finished the first level. I simply couldn’t find where to go next or how to solve any of the puzzles. This isn’t due to bad map design or pointlessly cryptic puzzles, but me. I’m the reason that I couldn’t finish. I’m just not worthy of playing this absolutely flabbergasting amazing game.  The question is, are you?