Gather Your Party

The government simply has your best interests at heart.

Some gamers feel entitled to games that they didn’t pay for. They feel like they should get to play the game without giving anything back to the developer. This is childish, and morally wrong; there is supposed to be an exchange of goods between a seller and a consumer. You get a product from someone when you give something to them first, usually money. There is no situation where breaking such a basic concept is correct. But everyone already knows this. The reason piracy still goes on is that pirates don’t care about what happens to others, only to themselves. That’s why I’m here to explain why it’s also in your best interests not to pirate videogames.

When you pirate a game, the person that made it gets no money. If the industry becomes unprofitable, all the investors and big publishers will move onto other things. Do you really want to live in a world where EA and Activision doesn’t exist? You’re basically killing them by pirating their products.

You may also be killed; real pirates from Somalia don’t like software pirates as they feel that they make the “real” pirates look weak. These pirates can regularly be found searching the seas for software pirates to torture and execute. They usually don’t find any, since all software pirates aren’t found in the sea but in their parent’s basement, but it’s only a matter of time until they figure that out. Do you want to be responsible for when Somalia invades the US and starts world war 3, just because they wanted to help the noble anti-piracy cause? I think not.

PETA will also try to attack you, as piracy causes major amounts of pollution. You see, the radiowaves used to download pirated products are dirty and pollute the air, since they are unregulated. Legal downloads are regulated by state engineers to make sure that they are as clean as possible. Do you hate mother nature? Do you want global warming to be real? Because you’re causing it when you pirate. Getting yourself killed is one thing, but killing the entire world is another.

You too can help.

Of course, piracy is illegal and therefore punishable by law. If you get caught for pirating, you will go face a fine and possible jail time. What most people don’t realize is that you can also go to jail for breaking other laws indirectly. You see, many people will hide secondary programs in torrent files. One of the more popular ones sets your computer up as a connection point. Your computer will be one of many in a chain used to send illegal content over the internet, namely child pornography. So not only are you a thief, but you’re also a pedophile.

This should be enough for anyone to stop, but it actually only gets worse. Other, albeit less popular, viruses will cause certain parts of your computer to run faster than normal. Soon, your parts actually melt. This melting creates a noxious gas that causes cancer when inhaled. You may think you can avoid the police, but can you avoid the grim reaper? Certain versions will also change your genetic structure so that you are more susceptible to be indoctrinated by dark gods such as Ia, Ftahgn, Cthulhu and R’lyeh. This information is more for newer pirates; any pirate that doesn’t understand the immorality of his actions after the first month of using torrents probably already prays to dark gods, since doing so can help download speeds by up to 40%.

To conclude, pirates are nature hating, paedophilic, war-mongering, demon worshippers that are hurting the bottom line of EA. Shameful, just absolutely shameful. You may be asking, “how can I help?” You can do it by buying good games, like Mass Effect 3, Modern Warfare 3, and any sequel to a long-running franchise that have been updated with great modern features like regen health and cover systems. We can make a difference!